Why do my relatives hate me

This is a highly personal decision and is often best made if you have had some time and distance to get some perspective on your experiences. Research suggests that family estrangement is not uncommon. In one study, Talking to a friend may be helpful, but you might also consider discussing your feelings with a mental health professional.

A therapist can help you evaluate the factors that have led you to this step and then offer advice about how to best proceed.

Research suggests that reconciling after an estrangement can be particularly difficult, particularly for adult children estranged from their parents. While cutting ties can be stressful, research suggests that there can be positive effects as well. Feeling like you don't like your family can be an extremely difficult emotion to handle.

If you feel this way, developing social connections outside of your family can help you find a healthier support system and gain perspective and distance from toxic family members. Strategies such as distancing yourself from the situation, setting boundaries, or working to mend unhealthy relationships may be beneficial for your mental well-being.

If a relationship is doing more harm than good, then it is often a good idea to significantly reduce or completely cut off contact with the other person or people. If you are experiencing emotional distress, anxiety, depression, or other symptoms as a result of your dislike for your family, reach out to a professional for help. You might start by talking to a mental health professional who can help. Online therapy can also be a helpful option that you might want to consider.

Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Coleman J. Collins; Hidden Voices: Family Estrangement in Adulthood. Contributions of attachment theory and research: a framework for future research, translation, and policy. Dev Psychopathol. Curr Opin Psychol. Stand Alone. Family estrangement: advice and information for adult children.

Published The counseling experiences of individuals who are estranged from a family member. Family Relations. October Love Is Respect. What are my boundaries? Conti RP. Family estrangement: establishing a prevalence rate. Blake L. Parents and children who are estranged in adulthood: a review and discussion of the literature: review and discussion of the estrangement literature.

J Fam Theory Rev. It may be best to avoid talking about religious beliefs when around your Aunt. Wait before you speak. Take a breath before you speak. Enlist support. That way, if you get cornered into a discussion or argument you want to leave, you can signal for a rescue. You can agree on a sign ahead of time if you may need a rescue at a family function. Enjoy yourself. Put your focus on spending time with the family you enjoy and doing activities you find fun.

Even if the family member you hate is in the room, focus on other things. If you find yourself in a conversation with this relative, find a distraction to help you get through the interaction like playing with the dog. If you fear sitting next to the relative during meals, suggest making name cards and sitting far from this person.

Keep the relative occupied. One way to deal with a difficult relative is to give this person a job or a task at family gatherings. If a meal is being made, ask the relative to chop onions or set the table, and let him or her do it the way he or she wants. Find ways to include this relative yet also keep this person busy. Use humor. Especially if the situation is tense or uncomfortable, you can use humor to disarm difficult behavior and bring some lightness to the situation.

Have an exit plan. If you fear interactions with this relative, come prepared to the event with an exit plan of why you need to leave. Part 2. Dodge recurring heated debates. This goes for competing sports teams, universities, or cousin rivalries. Pick your battles. If your grandfather says something offensive, ask yourself whether your comment will alter his perception or if it will spark a debate.

Live and let live. Resolve conflicts. You may need to find time to sit down, be honest with each other, and clear the air. When approaching your relative, be kind, compassionate, and non-defensive. Be willing to forgive. Avoid passive aggressive manipulation. You may even feel manipulated by your relative by passive aggressive remarks or actions.

Uphold your family rules. If you struggle to enforce family boundaries with relatives, firmly let them know that family rules apply at all times. Be upfront and matter-of-fact when discussing this with your relative. Even though it can feel heartbreaking and rejecting, keeping yourself safe is of the utmost importance. Sometimes family members use one person as a scapegoat. This tends to begin very early on when children are quite little. Unhealthy family roles always serve a function.

In some cases, this assigned role helps the unhealthy adults, typically the caregivers, release or take out their emotions in inappropriate ways, while also maintaining a dysfunctional family pattern.

For example, a child may be the scapegoat in a family where the parents don't get along, but don't have the wherewithal to work through their issues as adults. Instead, this tension is forced upon the child as a means to keep the parents connected in some way. Family roles tend to stay stable, meaning, if you were the scapegoat growing up, you probably still are the scapegoat.

Family issues can't always get resolved on their own. If you're experiencing unhealthy family relationships that are impacting your daily life, consider consulting with a family therapist. Individual family members can each meet separately with the therapist, who may try to bring everyone together when they feel the time is right to strengthen those bonds. Whether you decide to cut ties, or work through familial issues, always prioritize your mental and physical well-being.

Unraveling the Signs Family dynamics can be complicated and tricky. Does My Family Hate Me? Ask Your Family if They Hate You If at all possible, ask the people you think hate you to explain why they act a certain way or say specific hurtful things.

Questions you could ask are: Is there a problem between us that can be fixed? Is there a reason you call me? Can you tell me why you tend to? Have I done something to upset you? Rehash Your Past Think back to a time when you got along with your family. What was different then? Look through old family photos to see if you can identify where the split happened.

What major events or occurrences took place just before the dynamic began? If you can't remember a time where you felt loved by your family, consider you may not be the problem at all. If you leave, the conversation and laughter resume. But if you decide to stay, you will notice your family starts to walk away and go into another room where they will begin their chatter again. Instances like these are meant to alienate you from your family and are usually being awarded by the adults in your family, if you have younger or older siblings, chances are they are doing this to stay likable to the parent.

These small actions will have you wondering and feeling like your family hates you — but you cannot be sure or bring it up because then you will be called paranoid and that will create room for mockery and ridicule. Over time, however, your family will start to show you blatantly that they do not like you — especially if you decide to stop playing into their little mind games. When they realize they can no longer control your actions, your dysfunctional family will start attacking your emotions.

They will do and say things that are hurtful to your face — or spread harmful and hurtful rumors about you to other people. All this is an attempt to break you and bring you down to their level — because misery loves company. So what do you do when your family hates you? If you are still a minor, living with a family that is constantly putting you down and making your life hard can be quite hard to escape. We would suggest that you get away from them from time to time — and especially during school holidays.

However, in the meantime, if things get too much for you to handle and it starts affecting your mental health, you should always talk to a trusted adult or your school counselor. When you find out that your family hates you it can be quite disheartening. You will probably want answers as to why your family hates you — and if you are a child, you will want to find ways to appease them even after the fact. Here are a few things you can do when you confirm that your family hates you.

At this point, what do you have to lose, right? If you have reasons to believe that your family hates you, you may need to know why they hate you.

What could you have possibly done for them to treat you so badly? Although, it should be noted that 9 times out of 10 you did not do anything wrong. You may even have a different sexual preference than they do, or define sexuality differently. What they act towards you is an internalized self-hatred. They look at you and they are reminded of everything they are not — and they resent that you are comfortable being so different.

Finding out why your family hates you will help you decide on what you want to do. Either if you want to help and fix your family or if you want to leave them all behind and get a fresh start with your life.

If you decide that you want to fix your family, then you and your family need to go to therapy so that you can get to the root of your problems and start to try and fix your family.