Why members leave church

The Church hides in literalism and dogma with no room or desire to grow into the 21st century. Christ is alive but not in the Church. No matter how hard you try as a pastor, people will leave your church. This is unavoidable, nobody leaves a church without a reason but in most Cases they will keep their reasons for leaving to themselves.

One of the reasons why people leave the church is:. Speaking to people you already know. One of the worst experiences for visitors or newcomers to a church is to be ignored by the regular members. What that communicates loud and clear is that they are being discounted as outsiders rather than being welcomed in the church family. It is awkward and extremely uncomfortable. No one will even ask of his name left alone taking his cell phone number. Never expect this person to come to church again.

Change is inevitable, and adjusting to change can be difficult. Churches need repair, buildings need to be replaced, and pastoral staff will eventually leave for other opportunities. But implied in this article is that parishioners are too backward and set in their ways to accept change.

What is this mission that the parishioners are supposed to sacrifice their favorite programs, pastoral staff, and current church building for? And did parishioners have any input into formulating this mission, or was it dictated to them by an authoritarian hierarchy? The traditional church building has been replaced with a modern building where the drum set is more prominent than the altar, and traditional music is being replaced with a modern praise band. The sound system is now so loud that it is painful for my ears.

My friend says she can tolerate the church for another year until her son graduates from high school, at which point she will consider leaving. I agree with this article percent in its movement to assist. Ours has 2, one traditional and one contemporary. This way we can please both crowds.

By the way a pipe organ is louder decibel wise than a modern praise band. This is documented in articles available in the internet and we have tested it in our church.

You cannot make an absolute statement that a pipe organ is always louder than a modern praise band. The volume of worship music depends upon how the sound system is adjusted, so that even a pipe organ can be too loud if the sound is not properly adjusted. I am now attending a Catholic church, and I like the contemporary service because the talented praise band does not play too loud.

The contemporary worship style is not really new. In , I attended my first contemporary service at the Willow Creek Church in Palatine, Illinois, when services were still held in the Willow Creek movie theater.

Compared to the tradition bound Presbyterian church I attended, I loved the lively and enthusiastic contemporary style. I am not surprised at his opinion, because as the church ruthlessly goes after older members who disagree with the new style, it is not doing a very good job of loving its neighbor.

Now that every megachurch has imitated the slick Willow Creek style, I have doubts that a contemporary service will attract many young people. People are leaving for lots of reasons. Among these are that the Pastor thinks he just a little smarter than everyone else. Another reason is when a Pastor interjects political views into sermons, with weak attempts at not being obvious about it.

Let us hear the word of God from the Bible, not veiled attempts at foisting the Pastors political leaning upon the laity. Remember, when people leave, they take their tithes with them. I enjoyed this article. My husband Pastors a church and we have experienced what seems like all on the above. Very tough for me his wife.

We have had people stand up in the middle of service any announce they were leaving and then call for others to join them. My my been a tough road. After they cleared out the sservices have been so peaceful. Good article. I see a tendency for pastors and posts to them to encourage them to stay focused, keep on mission and realize that people will leave your church.

And that encouragement is probably necessary. I do see what I predict is an upcoming Exodus from churches. Millions feeling unfulfilled by programs and concepts that are business-like and outdated.

They are looking for more. Simple as that. They desire to be part of something greater. They want to either be richly filled by leaders who give them great insights, so that they can be more of who God has called them to be.

Other want to be used in their gifts and calling. Church leaders need to seek to understand the real traits of leadership. Listening to their people. The hard truth is, some people will leave because of unfulfilled needs, needs that should have been met by any reasonably equipped church.

Time to rethink church. American churches have changed from a theological mindset to a business mission field and place biblical terms to it. Pastors are no longer teaching, they give stories and place a biblical reference to justify the means. Another turn I give credit to A. Tozer, who said leaders see how they believe their church is run, and then seek God to back their views. We are now leaning about entertainment.

Big screens, concert style worship and false leading euphoria through motivational speakers that we assume is Spirit but holds no value of repentance and drawing us closer to God. We have let the culture rule our spiritual requirements. I left the last three for simple reasons. The first was a charismatic that was all fluff and no substance. Once I questioned this scripturally, they turned their backs. The last one was all about control.

Two churches combined and, after six months, half the congregation left. Those who served were shafted, both pastors sought greener grass within two months of each other, and an elder who was quite young, spiritually and in maturity posted on social media against those who left.

Lest I forget, the pastor at that time played college pranks and games that are not religiously endorsed with the youth. My kids were appalled and are afraid to be part of youth groups now.

I truly want a theologically driven church that deeply loves prayer and to be in His presence. One where the Holy Spirit leads and guides all there and God is feared. One where the Bible is taught in truth and not used as a crutch to keep us in the flesh. I hear so many say we need to keep up with the times and culture. You do that, it will take the same to get them to return.

Jesus calls us to be separate from the world, not to use its means to attract. Paul warned thereally would be a great falling away. I hope we are not witnessing the ushering in of the last days.

N9WFF, you are so right about all you wrote. Great insight. I am uncertain as to how to state a 6th reason but I have found that people who leave often do so because of hidden or unidentified personal reasons. I have noticed these people tend to be disconnected from small groups where people are able to work through issues and share insights of how God is moving in lives.

One thing I have sought is to form a small group that these people can relate to, however, it may initially require an experienced elder or leader to lead. Not because of growth, staff, or programs. I was her fulltime caregiver. The final 6 months were hell for both of us. The pastor has forgotten his obligation to minister to the hurting and sick under his charge. Jesus cared about the multitudes, not buildings and strategies.

Please accept my condolences. If you can empathize with your pastor for a moment, as soon as a church becomes larger than people, it is very difficult to care for everyone in the church. Thanks, Carey. The thing is, when we joined this church something years ago, it WAS less than members. In our case, the entire system failed. Sure, pastors are busy. But in all those months, what would a five minute phone call cost him?

This was a woman who sewed blankets for all six of his children when each was born. A woman whom he could call upon for small favors whenever a need arose as that church grew.

She needed to hear a word from her spiritual leader, to ease her fears, and pray with her at her most important hour, and he was AWOL. We had to use the services of the hospice chaplain, a stranger, to minister to her counseling needs.

If I understand you, the only way we can interact in times of need with our earthly shepherd is to find small churches, then for what kingdom purposes do large churches exist?

Pastors, if you are neglecting your flocks in pursuit of bigger things because of some 5-Point Plan of moving forward or moving up, or you are all too busy to remember the widows — yes, the faithful elderly widows! Surely, Jesus values people over programs. BTW Carey, ours is a serious missions church, and we have enthusiastically supported that goal with our prayers, hands, wallets throughout the years.

But external-looking goals need not exclude internal needs. The problem I have is with churches who make it all or nothing. Hey Montana…thanks for the honest reply. I think where we might differ is that our understanding of the role of pastor is different.

Peter or Paul, for example, ministered to tens of thousands and encouraged believers to care for each other, which is actually not an inferior level of care. The people who reached out to your family were being the church. Sometimes the pressures of leadership feel paralyzing and we all make mistakes. I feel badly for you and your mom. I am sorry to hear about your mother, and I know what you mean. And, they live only 5 minutes away! Never mind I donated even though we were so lacking in funds that my mother in law had to give us money so we could pay our property taxes, and I was working 2 cleaning jobs every week and driving up to the city 70 miles away every week.

But God sees and knows all. I think some of the problem is that the church members are not appreciated one iota! Posted: November 28, at AM. Recent Posts. Include results from Christianity Today. Follow Karl Facebook. Current Issue November Subscribe. Read This Issue. But take a moment to consider what would happen if you lost 15 percent of your members. Would you need to stop a ministry? The reasons people will leave your church range from good, bad, and ugly. There are others times when people will leave over a difference of opinion.

Over the years, you can expect your church to go through seasons of growth, times of decline or stagnation, and transitions. Said another way, when life in your church or the life of your church members goes through a change, expect to lose people. At some point, the members of your church will experience significant change.

When your church members undergo transition, oftentimes, these life changes will lead them to find a new church home. Here are a few examples of significant changes to anticipate:. Celebrate members who make these life-altering decisions, and help them to find a church home in their new community. When a married couple divorces, expect at least one partner to find a new church home. Regardless of what transpires during this difficult season, strive to provide ongoing support and counsel to help them gracefully walk through this transition.

If your church moves into a new building, you will likely lose some people. If so, the distance may be too great for some people to travel. Pastoral transitions are common, and according to one survey , the average tenure for a full-time pastor is six years. When your church experiences a pastoral transition, you will lose people in the process. But if your church goes through a significant shift in your doctrine, then expect to lose people.

According to one survey conducted by LifeWay Research, 85 percent of respondents said they would leave a church if there were a fundamental shift in their beliefs. Feel free to tweak your style of worship, and perhaps redecorate your worship space. But know that if your church messes with the tenants of your faith, you should expect to lose most of your church in the process. These are some unsurprising reasons why people in your church will leave. There are other times when you could have influenced whether or not someone stuck around.

People will visit your church and become a member for many reasons. According to a survey conducted by Pew Research Center , having friends or family in the congregation is a huge deciding factor for many people choosing a church. Your outreach efforts will connect with people in your community. But first-time guests will be inclined to get connected if they build friendships with people in your church.

Without these connections, your church will be a slippery slope—not sticky. Really enjoy your article! I recently left my long time church because the interim pastor and new deacons were gossiping about members. They were not talking to resolve any issues it was gossiping! I was the secretary and the interim pastor would tell me information about members he was counseling and he views on these individuals, things he said was just mean spirited! Then after I left the leadership is slandering me at church meetings, actually lying about me because they know the information I have!

Am I doing the right thing by remaining silent? Mellisa, since you have been thinking about revisiting the same church, it is probably a good reason to do so.

It will stay on your mind until you do go back. It might be God gently nudging you to visit. If after you go back and you don't see any changes, then you will know for sure that your original decision to leave was the best thing for you to do at the time. Hello, after reading your posts about this I felt that it was really relatable on the reasons why I left church. The reason why I left was mainly I felt too pressured and disagree with certain things like having to share the gospel, etc although the community and the church I had was really loving and caring, I decided to just leave without telling anyone.

Bill, I agree with what the pastor said about moving on. God has forgiven you, but I think you should apologize to the pastor and tell him that you blasted him while you were angry. This is necessary for you to move forward with a clean slate. I was really angry that one of the church spoke to my wife regarding our lack of commitment in our church. I was really angry and I called 2 members of our church and our Senior Pastor and blasted them on the phone.

I also told my Senior Pastor that I am leaving the church and joining another church. After that I called a Pastor from the church that I am planning to join and he prayed over me and my wife and asked for forgiveness from GOD on what had transpired. He told us to move forward.

Do you have any advise? Eileen, I hope things work out for you and your husband. It is not a comfortable position to be in. In the end, things will work out. It is the wait and see mode that you are in that seems to be the most challenging. Thank you for your affirmation. I have spoken to my pastor about this and I'm still struggling with his response and the response of those in senior leadership. Eileen, I could sense your heavy heart as I read your post. The Bible says the shepherd should leave those in the church and go after the one who leaves.

According to Luke , "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn't he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?

I used to be a leader of a church and lots of people were leaving. I asked the pastor if he wanted me to contact the people to find out why they were leaving so we could address some of the problems to prevent others from leaving. He banged his fist on his desk and said he didn't care who left.

He added that he was called to preach to those in the church even if it was just two people. I disagree with what he said and his reaction to the situation. Faithful members are still leaving including those who have been there 40 and 50 years.

In a two-year period, six of the ministers left including me because of various reasons. I let the pastor know I was leaving and he has not reached out to me yet and I did so much for the church when I was there. I believe God is going to have a special meeting with those pastors who don't reach out to former members because shepherds are supposed to take care of sheep.

I am the membership chairperson in my Church. We have recently seen the departure of several active, devote, long time members. I am in touch with them however they are expressing disappointment that the pastor has not reached out to them. I addressed this issue with one of our leaders and his response was that THEY need to call the pastor - as in make the first move in an attempt to heal the wounds.

I disagree. Am I wrong. My heart is very heavy over this situation. Hannah, stop feeling guilty about leaving the church. You have done nothing wrong. Your salvation does not depend on whether you are inside of a church building or not. It matters more about what is in your heart. People leave a church for various reasons. If you know you have grown as much as you can from a particular church, it is nothing wrong with leaving that church. To stay in a church after God has given you the clearance to leave is disobedience, and staying there is what you should feel guilty about.

Don't allow others to make you feel guilty about leaving. They do not know how God is working things out for your own good. Hannah, the best advice I can give you is to seek God for what He wants you to do with the rest of your life to honor Him.

God knows and God cares. This really helped me. I recently stopped attending a church I have been going to ever since I was younger. I have people from the church messaging and sending me notes saying they miss me. Do you have any advice on how I can stop feeling so guilty about my decision? Hxprof in Clearwater, Florida: Thanks for your detailed comments about why faithful members leave their church. Perhaps your comments will help those who are wondering about the same thing.

Interesting piece Margaret. I'm wondering how many people leave the church for the reason that I left? I left because I came to realize that, beyond the basic gospel message, my church was teaching lies! I doubt that those who leave for this reason find it helpful or necessary to tell that pastor why they're leaving. What are you going to say, "hey, I'm leaving because you're not truly teaching the gospel?

The birth pangs have been underway for a while now, and as they grow more intense, some Christians will wake up and realize that they've been told a lie about being raptured before the Great Tribulation. Then they'll seek the Lord intently, apart from the churches that have misled them. My goal here Margaret isn't to be a bummer, but to contribute in a small way to your understanding of what's happening, so that hopefully, as you see this trend accelerate and it will, and there will be further division in the current church system , that you'll begin to understand what's happening.

PlanksandNails, thanks for reading and sharing your comments about faithful members leaving the church. Unfortunately, many deceived people believe in the corruption of the word 'church' and believe in a religious system that focuses on a building with people in it who adhere to a denominational template with salaried clergy running things. Church members who leave the institutional church system is a good thing because everything about what is called 'church' today is man-driven.

Christ has fulfilled the tithe and the temple system that the church system needs for its survival. The body of Christ is built upon the principles of the Kingdom of God and has no resemblance whatsoever to religious buildings called 'church' and the worldly principles it is built upon.

I left mainline Christianity because I believe much of the Bible is Blasphemy rather than scripture. Any story stating God is violent is a Projection of the author and is Not of God. Does anyone understand this? Being a real follower of Christ means you serve him not men. You see that your money goes to whom it is intended, you see that the poor, orphans.

You cannot serve man and Jesus at the same time. Scripture says you cannot serve two masters. Serve Jesus by doing all He requires of You not what man requires of you. You must be baptized in the Holy Spirit of God and following it where, when and to whom it leads you, check MT Personally, over the last 10 years my family has been experiencing seeker friendly Churches everywhere we go.

Super friendly, great music and coffee, upbeat sermons. My family loves to serve but as we have experienced, the Church is only interested in how we can serve, they are all about your family when you are serving and they keep adding to your plate but the min you have to take a step back from serving they are no longer interested in you or your family because you are no longer serving the cause.

I am not mad at God. I know we are all imperfect people. This is a pattern I am seeing. I desire true relationships with Believers but it seems as if you are not doing ABC We all need to do better at loving one another without agendas. However, I believe leaders who have been placed in that position should seek God and be more mindful of what edifies the people. Then, on the other hand, there is nothing wrong with leaving a church and going to another one when God says so.

There are positive reasons for a person to leave a church just as there are negative reasons. If many people including old and new members but already invested years as well in the church leave the church, do you tthink the problem is on us, the ones who left or bcos there might be something wrong on the way the church works? Fernando, I am so sorry to hear about your unpleasant situation. I could sense the hurt you are experiencing.

Situations like this happen way too often.